If you want to attract your ideal mate, you have to have an irresistibly attractive self (your magnet) that allows this person to come into your life. How do I rank myself right now on a scale of 1 – 10, with 10 being completely irresistible and 1 being completely unattractive? Until I have ranked myself at a 10, my ideal mate will not appear in my life.

Hey wait a minute, some might say. You don’t have to be perfect! No, perfection is distinct from irresistible attractiveness yet often can be the deterrent to allowing my mate to find me. When I think about ranking how truly willing I would be to have my ideal mate appear at my doorstep at this moment in time, I usually rank very low. I think of things like “I need to lose weight or pay off my debts, my life is too messy”, etc.

So how can I become irresistibly attractive without being perfect?

There are 7 key steps.

1. Identify every aspect of my life where I feel unattractive. Ask myself how my mental health, physical health/body, career, finances, family, interests or hobbies, spiritual life, physical environment, or friends make me feel unattractive.

2. Identify who or what influenced me to have this interpretation.

3. Give up that interpretation.

4. Declare 10 or more aspects of myself and my life that make me feel attractive.

5. Ask my friends and family what they consider to be attractive about me.

6. Create a statement that begins with “I am irresistibly attractive because (fill in the blank).”

7. Post and read this statement daily.

There are hundreds upon hundreds of lists about why people hate being plus size, full figured, large or “fat”… here’s some love from one healthy plus size mama to all beautiful round babes out there:

1. My ass… come on ladies… you know what I’m talking about.  The men sure do.

2. I don’t go into a blind panic over a handful of M&M’s.  Don’t people know the green ones are aphrodisiacs?

3. When I sit on a man’s lap and ask “Am I hurting you”, I always get “Oh honeybunch, you’re all soft and plushy… if that’s hurt, gimme more.”

4. Knowing my hips are perfect hand-rests while dancing close… literally and euphemistically.

5. I get taken seriously.  As a confident plus size woman who drapes her curves in stylish (yet affordable) fitted beautiful plus size dresses, stands up straight (must I mention posture again, my dears?), smiles intelligently and looks you straight in the eye… I am treated, revered and complimented as a “Real Woman”.  Not just one who has a “real woman’s body”, but one who behaves as men’s ideal of what is a Real Woman.  Just ask them.

6. It’s a rather plump advantage as well, pun intended, that people are always courteous to me.  Studies have shown that a round face and a smile put people into a trusting ease.  Now give me your wallet.

7. I’m always the one who is asked on a busy street for the time, a specific address or just general information.  Again with the immediate trust and ease.  I might not have the information they seek, but I more than often end up chatting and having a drink with the cute foreign tourists.

8. Never worrying during sex if I look fat in a particular position.  I am fat!  I know it… he knows it… and his proud saluting appendage loves it!

9. No one ever gets into my face or crosses me directly.  Perhaps they know I’d relish the chance to sit on them and make them cry “uncle”.

10. Once more… skinny or fat… it’s all about attitude… and I am not a bore!  I love being Me.  And guess what… most people all love me being Me too.

There is a saying I try to live by that I read in an Ann Landers column once (quoted to the best of my recollection):

“Before you say anything, consider these three words: Good, True, Helpful.
If what you’re about to say does not fall under two out of the three, don’t say it.”

So simple… isn’t it ladies?  But take a moment and think off all the words you’ve heard or said yourself in the past 24 hours. How many qualified for two out of the three?

Saying “I told you so” certainly doesn’t….. neither does “What were you thinking?”

But what about: “I wouldn’t have been caught dead in that?”, “Did you see what she had for lunch?”, “No wonder she’s still single?”

Or how about the insidious: “You know I love you, but…”, “You can be so stupid sometimes.”, “You’re just like your father.”

Even something as innocuous as “If you weren’t my friend, I’d…”

You’d what?  Not like me?  Talk behind my back?  Think the worst of me?

It happens to us every day… and more often than not, we do it unto others as well…  a vicious circle that comes right back at our own door.

Perhaps being reminded every day… being more mindful of easy slip-ups… will make your world – our world – a more positive place to be in… one nice word at a time.

Write the words “Good, True, Helpful” somewhere that you can see them.

 

Oh boy.  Now that’s a touchy subject… for plus size women and petites… for anyone from 18 to 65 (I’d like to think that past that age, I just won’t care anymore!)

There are so many kinds of naked too. From the strip-poker naked to the baring-your-soul naked… with buck, ifoc (in front of computer – y’all have been there!), and as-the-day-you-were-born kind of naked in between.

Some of us are born as natural nudists or exhibitionists.  Most of us are not.

Some of us are born with Sports Illustrated bodies.  Most of us are not.

Why, even the airbrushed models are not!

Some of us have accepted our body for the gift is it… to hell with what anyone else says. Some of us just zone out entirely when the pieces are peeled away.  Akin to Multiple Personality Disorder… another you just takes over. Some of us never allow for being naked… at least not entirely.

We’ve all read about women’s workshops in the 70s where you were urged to shuck your girdle and get acquainted with your hand mirror.  Having a look at your own poumpoum was considered breakthrough and the last barrier to modern feminism.

But what about the rest of us? Did feminism and accepting ourselves as the goddesses we are stop at our crotch? Perhaps being at peace with our naked self is truly the last frontier. (And to think I’d once considered finding a sexy plus size dress being said frontier!  Blessed be SexyPlus Clothing.  Yes, I’m shamelessly promoting them, but have you seen my wardrobe?)

How often to we stand naked in front of the mirror with only our reflection staring us back in the face? We might spend countless hours obsessing over our pores in a magnified lit mirror… an inordinate amount of time in the morning getting our hair just right in the bathroom mirror… or a quick 5-minutes of lipstick-applying, skirt-smoothing, can-I-go-out-looking-like-this mirror time before dashing off to work…

But when do we just stand there in our proverbial birthday suit… no clothes, no jewellery, no makeup, no artifice whatsoever… giving ourselves a good once-over and looking back up to smile peacefully at ourselves? Why not?

Do our bodies not keep us warm and healthy?  Do they not walk us from point A to B? Do they not bring hugging comfort to our loved ones?  Do they not create life?  Do they not ignite passion? Do you not then deserve to love yourself… and love the body that makes you You? Well, I started off trying to… and I can honestly say I do.

Don’t get me wrong Ladies… it’s awkward the first time around… you feel kinda ridiculous… and you develop supersonic hearing convincing you that every little noise is that of a camera-crew just waiting to catch you at this.  As if they weren’t busy enough chasing Angelina and her eclectic brood across the world.  (Nah… my naked ass is way more paparazzi-inspiring!)

But it gets better. 

There I stand.  I keep repeating how healthy I am… how lucky I am to have such strong sturdy legs… legs that walk for and with me… how lovely my breasts are or the swell of my ass… I’ve caught myself blushing thinking of a few choice comments from my lovers’ gallery… and still I’ll keep on looking.

From the peeling varnish on my toes – oh my but I need another pedicure – to the top of my natural brown mousy hair – yes I know highlights would help, but I just can’t bother… or fork over the $100 every other month for the upkeep. I’ll take in my pudgy stomach and thank it for never letting me be chronically sick and accepting my love of Australian wines and dark chocolate… I’ll admire my hourglass waist and let my hips sway as they always have during those countless hours of dancing with friends and family… and with myself when no one’s looking … I’ll have a fleeting moment of thought for the double F’s my mom kept to herself and just appreciate the soft pale skin I inherited from her instead… scars, beauty marks and all… I’ll bless my dad for all the years he skimmed his finger down my nose “shaping it” so it wouldn’t look like the proud Arabic pyramid he bears… and wince briefly over that one pockmark I created on the side of it when I had chickenpox as a child. 

I always end up looking up straight into my own eyes… hazel brown with a tinge of moss green… the ones that almost give away and uphold my mix heritage… the windows to my convoluted soul…

I smile.

I always smile now.

Won’t you?

By Nina Ashe, SexyPlus Clothing Blogger

Ladies… what’s with the jiggle?  What’s more, what about those horrid panty lines or worse – egad! – the bright colourful granny panties shining through thin material?  I’m not just pointing at the sexy plus sized ladies, but the slimmies too.

Now, don’t you dare give me any excuses:

“I feel constricted.”

“It makes me sweaty.”

“I don’t really need it.”

Uh-huh.  Can you ladies just picture my I’m-not-buying-it look?

Shapewear is no longer a dirty word. This is neither our grannies’ girdle nor our Victorian ancestors’ corsets. This is modern, breathable, flexible, hold-you-up, tuck-you-in goodness!

I will always remember the salesgirl who sold me on my very first pair (Spanx at the time).  The Numero Uno selling point to me was not that it would flatten my stomach, take me in a size or even holster my jiggle… it was its promise that it would almost eradicate a serious problem that most women, big and small, suffer from: summer thighs.  You all know about sweaty summer days and thighs that rub together… the rashes, the acne, the discoloration… oy vei! We’ve all tried baby powder (dries up eventually), baby oil or vaseline (works great but eww to the slippery feel), and every acne over-the-counter medication that simply does not stop the problem.

Shapewear has made that a thing of the past.  Now, I have soft pink inner thighs and I brazenly say to summer heat: Bring it on! But I mostly sing the praise of its jiggle-stopping powers. 

How many women complain how a certain dress would almost fit like a glove if it weren’t for the visible panty line… or how a particularly fetching top only seems to accent their belly roll… or that they simply “look fat” in everything! Fat or not (or “traditionally built” as my favorite heroine would said) there is no reason you cannot look and especially FEEL like a goddess in everything you wear… even last year’s sparkly pantsuit… smoothed out, tucked in and flawlessly supported!

Mamitas, let’s be frank, even if you were to start doing 500 crunches every morning, you will not get this feeling.  On the other hand, the right shapewear will do this for you. Even my lovely friend Hélène, Miss Natural Size 2, swears by her own shapewear when going out on the town in her favourite slinky dress. 

All the beautiful plus size women who have tried one on after some careful prodding have all agreed that their original misgivings were baseless.  I’ve yet to encounter anyone who has survived the first gruelling and arduous attempt to put one on who did not leave with it… and possibly a second pair in black!

But… I can already hear a few of you humming… “…it’s all good for every day or under that napkin-colored bridesmaid dress I have to wear… but what if I’m on a date… a sexy date no less?” Well my dear naughty ones, whatever happened to excusing yourself to go the ladies room to powder your nose?

Women throughout the ages have used that excuse for a myriad of reasons: to push the girls back up in their holsters, to make sure nothing is stuck in their teeth, to reapply some lipstick and a strategic dab of perfume, to rearrange their hair and give themselves a pep talk or even because they actually had to go!

Personally, I am a big fan of the old “change into something more comfortable”.  After ensuring that nothing is indeed stuck in my teeth, I simply remove my shapewear and either slip on a naughty little piece of floss (aka a thong) or nothing at all.

It doesn’t make you less of a modern feminist to harness your shape nor does it relegate you being a fake let’s-try-Botox-next kinda gal.  This is not a total transformational sham… this is just figure flattery.

We all pluck, shave, wax, blow-dry, make-up, cream and whatnot?  So why not start with the basic?

And last but not least… not only will you look better in whatever you chose to wear but you really will FEEL better.  We all remember what feeling better leads to, yes?  You feel good about yourself, you start standing up straighter (remember posture), you might smile a bit more, be a tad less self-conscious… and the world around you will feel that way about you too!

Ooh and let me tell you… they don’t just come in the short format anymore!  They make the panty one too with elongated torso (perfect to really cover all our bellies and not roll down unseemingly), that can be tucked in under our bra wire as I do.  I’ve also been lobbying the company who makes my favorite pair (the BodyWrap) to also make a thong one as they do in the regular sizes.  In the meantime, I’ve been cutting mine out in the shape I want… nothing sexier than being fully supported and knowing your sweet buttcheeks are poking out (they’re allowed to jiggle).

Oh… and ladies… no man will be the wiser! No man ever is!

Quick Basic Intructions

-         Put them on like you would stockings and not like they are a pair of shorts.

-         Rub a dab of cream into your skin prior to putting them on; it will keep your skin softened all day long.

-         Wash them like you would your favourite bra: either by hand or in the delicate cycle.

-         Do not machine dry. ]]> http://sexyplusclothing.com/blog/support-your-shape/feed 3 http://sexyplusclothing.com/blog/forgive-but-don%e2%80%99t-forget http://sexyplusclothing.com/blog/forgive-but-don%e2%80%99t-forget#comments Fri, 07 May 2010 02:32:36 +0000 Stef http://sexyplusclothing.com/?p=4003 By Nina Ashe, SexyPlus Clothing Blogger

I was commenting to a friend how some women either dress in the dark or just don’t seem to care about the image they put out there.  How a little confidence, flattering colors and some posture might do them and the rest of the world some good.  How just thinking of themselves as sexy women, plus size or otherwise, would change their outward appearance.

And that’s when my friend reminded me that some of “us” still live in constant fear, pain and humiliation… the kind that, whether subtle or violent, grinds you down every day till you start believing the bad press and start thinking “What’s the point?  I’m still fat, ugly and stupid.  If my parents/siblings/friends/teachers/world at large says so, then it must be true!”

Hence those who try to “cover up” with multiple layers of clothing – only ending up making themselves look and feel bulkier.

Hence those who scrunch their shoulders up to their neck in order to become unnoticeable, but really just make themselves more of a target.

Hence those who will just put up whatever’s close at hand, if it fits or not, because they’ve given up… they don’t believe in their own power… their own beauty… their own right to be sexy, plus-sized and rockingly charming!

I was shocked into silence.

Not something that happens frequently, my darlings.

For a moment, I had forgotten… but then the flood gates opened and all I’d “dealt with” but had really only repressed and locked away to be thought of no more came gushing out… and I remembered… every single barb, every single “suggestion”, every single look and laugh…

“If only you’d lose some weight… you’d be so beautiful.”

“With a pretty face like that, why don’t you put on some makeup?”

“Are you really gonna show yourself in public like that?”

“Do you really need to eat that?  Can’t say no to anything, can you?”

For most of us Confident Ladies now, we either started with a really strong supportive base or we left the bad one and slowly blossomed into our own.

We all realized at some point, that these for-your-own-good words of “advice” and it’s-because-I-love-you-that-I-tell-you-this “feedback” was just a load of bull more often than not spun by someone lacking in confidence themselves and stuck in a vicious cycle of societal imagery.

So to all those truly beautiful women out there who are either still shouldering the burden of others’ negativity or slowly coming into their own… I say… let it all go… do forgive as the saying goes… forgive those who did not know what they were saying and forgive yourself for believing it for so long… but never forget… and let it make you stronger.

The event took place inside the beautiful and elegant Thornhill Country Club and was meticulously coordinated by Mary Corrado.

Above: Mary Corrado, President of The Business Agents – www.thebusinessagents.ca, and Linda Ockwell-Jenner.

Above: Stefanie Augusteijn (that’s me!) from SexyPlus Clothing, and Kathryn McCallum-Pipes from Curvaceous Consignments.

Above: Wanda White from Curvaceous Consignments – www.curvaceousconsignments.com

The afternoon’s events included presentations by Keynote Speaker Linda Ockwell-Jenner, a Speaker and Business Development Consultant born in Birmingham, England who immigrated to Canada in 1993. In 1997 Linda faced her toughestchallenge when she was diagnosed withbreast cancer. Making things more difficult were financial pressures, withLinda juggling three jobs in retail and hospitality. By 2000, Linda was enjoying life and a new relationship only to be diagnosed once again with breast cancer.

Overcoming this terrible disease a second time, Linda went back to school in 2001 where she discovered a passion for speaking and founded www.motivationalsteps.com. On Sunday, Linda spoke to us with a mixture of humour, emotion, and left a permanent message of hope.

We later enjoyed the comedy of one of Canada’s top female entertainers Judy Croon, a fashion show by SexyPlus Clothing and Curvaceous Consignments sporting the most unique and fashion forward looks in plus sizes, a fashion show by Jockey, a delicious lunch and good old fashioned socializing. There was an air of sincerity and warmth among the women (and a few men) which made networking seem natural, when it can sometimes feel like “work”.

I was proud to model SexyPlus Clothing and sported the Pretty Woman Series Babydoll Top in Pink with our new Perfect Plus Size Capris in Black (shown above), as well as our Wild Roxanne Plus Size Top in Hot Pink. Being the owner of SexyPlus Clothing and not a professional model, I must admit that it was fun. I felt super confident because I am obviously partial to the clothes, and was grateful for the applause. The other models, customers of Curvaceous Consignments shown below, did fabulously and I think they had fun too. The audience seemed to enjoy the fact that we were regular women, of different sizes and shapes, representing plus sizes which are so rarely featured in fashion shows.

I learned, some time ago, from a super-charged woman named Katia  Miller (www.positivefabulouswomen.com) that in networking you must first ask how you can help, so in that spirit, I will introduce you to other female entrepreneurs who were present and helped raised funds for breast cancer research on this emotionally charged and delightful afternoon.

Above: Moira Sutton, CEO, Success Breakthrough – www.successbreakthrough.com

Above: Susan Bernstein, Executive, ISAGENIX – www.terryandsusan.com

Above: Rosemarie, Settings by Fogelman & Co – 416.783.1030

Above: Pamela Gallo, Co-founder, Boho Tea – www.bohotea.com

Above: Emma Laser Treatments – www.emmaskincare.com

Above: Agnes Loshusan, Independent Executive Sr. Sales Director, Mary Kay – www.marykay.ca/aloshusan

Above: Joanne C. Wilson, Romance Specialist, The Wedding Travel Team – www.theweddingtravelteam.com

Above: Our friendly photographer for the event Rob Corrado C.P.C., PPOC, LPPO, Corr Vision Photography – Light Made Visible – http://www.corrvision.com/

There were many more extraordinary women but I did not manage to capture them all in pictures or in introduction – partly because it was so informative and enjoyable exchanging with the ladies I did meet. While there was shopping and sharing, fine dining and fashion parading, the bottom line is that we must FIND A CURE for BREAST CANCER and support all those affected by it through compassion, financial support, awareness and love.

Click here to give – it’s FREE!

Thank you to all those who attended and sponsored this event. I was honoured to be among you.

Sincerely,

Stefanie Augusteijn

A More of me to Love Blog Post by Patricia Morgado
April 23 2010

Why Wasn’t Fashion For Me?

For a long time I thought fashion wasn’t for me. I always loved it, but I just couldn’t relate to the pictures I saw in fashion magazines.  I loved to adorn myself, but at the same time I believed that my body wasn’t fashionable enough.

I couldn’t fit into the sizes of the jeans that were available in the coolest stores, and to be honest, that made me suffer for a long time. 

However, at some point I realized that I was entitled to wear nice clothes even if I wasn’t thin enough. I decided that I would look for stores that sold my size, and I would not be depressed about those places that didn’t.

It was time to leave behind the idea that I was somehow a fashion outlaw!  I decided that I was entitled to fashion, and that I would make it my own.

Maybe you can say that with me? “I’m entitled to good fashion!” Believe it, because you are.

Freedom For Fashion

I was no longer a slave to fashion standards and rules. I reclaimed the right to fashion, to wear beautiful and comfortable clothes, to wear makeup and jewelry.  And I started to adapt fashion to my body and to my personal taste.

I believe that fashion is an important way to express who we are, and that it can make us happy, that it’s a fun experience and that it’s a form of art. Your body is your canvas and you can express yourself through it.

I also believe that fashion is for everybody.  That means you don’t need to have a certain body type or size to be fashionable. One of the most important steps to reclaiming the right to fashion is letting go of the rules about what’s “allowed” and “restricted” for your body.

A New Fashion Philosophy

You are your own fashion designer, and you are the one who makes decisions based on what you like and what makes you feel comfortable and beautiful. You are the master of your own style.

Part of the process of making peace with fashion is to wear clothes that fit the body you have today, not some imaginary body that you think you “should” have.  After all, it’s very hard to have fun with fashion when the clothes don’t fit. So, accept your size, embrace your curves and show the world how beautiful and unique you are.

It’s important to do a little research about stores that sell your size and that treat you with the respect that you deserve.  You don’t need to have a lot of clothes to be fashionable, and you don’t have to spend a lot of money. Accessories can be great friends, too, and they don’t have to be expensive. Creativity is the key word here.

Fashion can be a beautiful expression of self love: when we love ourselves we want to dress in ways that express that we are comfortable with being who we are.

Get inspired and believe in this idea: fashion is for everybody!  You can make it work for you, and you can make it your own, and I’m here at More of Me to Love so that we can learn about it all together.

I’d love to hear about what fashion means to you (and this applies to men as well!) and to know how you’ve been made to feel about fashion as a result of your body size. Please let me know in the comments.

In the meantime, gab it up in the great More of Me to Love forums.

Many of us do not realize what we believe when we look in the mirror.  Many of us do not see our own image but someone else’s image that we feel we must please, thinking it might be of value.  But there is no value or glory playing second fiddle to someone else.  You cannot live your life with someone else’s image.  It means self-destruction: you become your worst enemy.

You are your worst enemy when you want to be perfect.  You become fearful of making a mistake, so you don’t assert yourself; therefore you cannot achieve happiness in life.  You cannot gain friendship that way or in any negative way where you (symbolically) walk around on your knees trying to get attention by trying to please everybody.

Friendship begins with you; you can’t be a friend to others unless you are a friend to yourself.  What is equally important is that you can’t be a friend to everybody.  We all see things differently.  That is the way it should be; and because of that, it is inevitable that we will make enemies with people who violently disagree with us.  If we firmly and honestly feel that our cause is right, we should not be afraid of making enemies but should try to maintain harmony.

There is an old Chinese proverb that says, “Just as tall trees are known by their shadows, so are good men known by their enemies.”  By far you are your worst enemy either when through fear and indecision you live to please someone else, or when you refuse to live at all because you are fearful of making a mistake.

Nina Ashe

If you are articulate, charismatic, entertaining and well-written, we want to EXPOSE you, your passions, your struggles & victories and day to day life stories about being a woman, being fabulously full figured, being a fashionista, a friend, a lover, and a diva.

Pictures (of yourself and related to your stories) will be included for the world to see. Please submit a Blog post on any topic listed above by April 30, 2010 for consideration. Blog posts will be required once a week, some long some short, but all must be inspiring, grammatically correct and honest. Our winner and OFFICIAL PLUS SIZE MODEL BLOGGER will be selected May 1, 2010 and will win a $250 SexyPlus Clothing shopping spree.

Please send submissions to stefanie@sexyplusclothing.com.