By Nina Ashe, SexyPlus Clothing Columnist

What is sexy, ladies?

Personally, I think a man in a uniform is sexy… as is one in a suit… or naked… gosh, how some guys are just fine and yummy in their birthday suits.  I also have a thing for men in button-down jeans and clean thick white socks.  Go figure!

But is that truly what I find sexy?  Not really… the way a man makes me feel is what I find sexy in him, no matter age, height, looks, job or any other statistic.

What do men find sexy in a woman then? Thin arms, squeaky little Carrie-Bradshaw voice, big boobs, tiny waist, thick thighs, long hair?  Any or all of the above?

In the name of research and confirmation, I pooled and surveyed quite a few men… and without prodding or suggesting, they all pretty much came up with the same answer time and time again.

Wanna take a guess, ladies?

If big hair and small butts came to mind, you’d be wrong. If confidence and attitude were the words rushing out of you… well, my dearest, you’d be right.

Confidence.  How tacky is that? Not so tacky, let me tell you.

A woman is neither the clothes she wears nor the makeup on her face.

A woman is not her weight nor is she her diet.

A woman is nothing if not simply and purely a woman… a proud, full-fledged, hear-me-roar, you’re-damn-right-I’m-sexy confident woman!

I would like to think I’m a fantastic example of it. I would like to think that we all are, deep down.

On paper, I’m tall, overweight, starting my thirties and still coping with adolescent acne.  I’ve got limp mousy fine hair, crooked teeth, beer-bottle glasses and broken chewed nails.

In person, I’m the life of the party and the party itself.  I’m the one brimming with sex appeal, energy, enthusiasm… I laugh loudly… I talk passionately… I always make direct eye contact… and have an unwavering solid belief that I’m the best Me I can be at this point in my life. And the men love it, love me and they love my confidence.

Doesn’t matter if I’m in tottering in my Nine West and swathed in couture or whether I’m in my yoga pants and my old javex-stained Greenpeace t-shirt… I believe and just know that I am a goddess.

And wouldn’t you know it?  So do others. I’m not a snotty cow, mind you.  Just a confident woman. And yes, my dears… that is sexy! I’m the woman men want to touch and be touched by… sizzled really… I’m the woman you ladies can’t help but hover around all the while wondering what makes me so damn special… and so friggin’ nice.

Well… I stopped letting others dictate who I was or how I felt about myself, first and foremost. It does help that I take and make time for myself… in bathing, dressing, relaxing, and in everything I do.

So ok… husband, house and kids may put a slight spit-up damper on your vavavoomness for a while… but please ladies, do get back on track.  It’s not about pleasing your man… it’s never really about them nor should it be.

It’s about you.  It’s about being the best You can be… and making you feel like you are not just worth a million… but Are a scintillating magnificent blinding million.

It’s truly about looking deep within yourself… and NOT find yourself lacking.  NOT putting yourself down.  Because at the end of the day, no one has walked in your shoes in the life you’ve lead.  Should you find yourself lacking… brush it off, fix it and move on.

Now, don’t get me wrong… faking it might get detected, but if you try it out just a little, every time you go out, or to a meeting, or whatever, it will become more and more natural and that will lead to true confidence because you’ll start believing it, and others around you will believeit too. Stop putting yourself down when you’re trying on a new top, stop criticizing your arms or any other part of your body. Acknowledge the parts you’re proud of: your face, your hair, your charm, your wit, your accomplishments. Men find attractivewhat YOU find attractive.

None of us fit the “fantasy girl” mould, but trust me, a man remembers the sexy girl as the one who challenged him, surprised him, and had that “je ne sais quoi” confidence.

What do you say about it? I’d love your comments below.

Sincerely, Nina Ashe