Forgive but don’t Forget
By Nina Ashe, SexyPlus Clothing Blogger I was commenting to a friend how some women either dress in the dark or just don’t seem to care about the image they put out there. How a little confidence, flattering colors and some posture might do them and the rest of the world some good. How just thinking of themselves as sexy women, plus size or otherwise, would change their outward appearance. And that’s when my friend reminded me that some of “us” still live in constant fear, pain and humiliation… the kind that, whether subtle or violent, grinds you down every day till you start believing the bad press and start thinking “What’s the point? I’m still fat, ugly and stupid. If my parents/siblings/friends/teachers/world at large says so, then it must be true!” Hence those who try to “cover up” with multiple layers of clothing – only ending up making themselves look and feel bulkier. Hence those who scrunch their shoulders up to their neck in order to become unnoticeable, but really just make themselves more of a target. Hence those who will just put up whatever’s close at hand, if it fits or not, because they’ve given up… they don’t believe in their own power… their own beauty… their own right to be sexy, plus-sized and rockingly charming! I was shocked into silence. Not something that happens frequently, my darlings. For a moment, I had forgotten… but then the flood gates opened and all I’d “dealt with” but had really only repressed and locked away to be thought of no more came gushing out… and I remembered… every single barb, every single “suggestion”, every single look and laugh… “If only you’d lose some weight… you’d be so beautiful.” “With a pretty face like that, why don’t you put on some makeup?” “Are you really gonna show yourself in public like that?” “Do you really need to eat that? Can’t say no to anything, can you?” For most of us Confident Ladies now, we either started with a really strong supportive base or we left the bad one and slowly blossomed into our own. We all realized at some point, that these for-your-own-good words of “advice” and it's-because-I-love-you-that-I-tell-you-this “feedback” was just a load of bull more often than not spun by someone lacking in confidence themselves and stuck in a vicious cycle of societal imagery. So to all those truly beautiful women out there who are either still shouldering the burden of others’ negativity or slowly coming into their own… I say… let it all go… do forgive as the saying goes… forgive those who did not know what they were saying and forgive yourself for believing it for so long… but never forget… and let it make you stronger.